Tortilla Soup Conspiracy
by Demy-Doodle
Summary: Demyx in the kitchen? WHAT? Marluxia investigates.


**Tortilla Soup Conspiracy**

**Rated :T**

**Genre: Comedy/Parody**

**Disclaimer:** This is nothing more than mindless drabble and ceaseless idiotic circumstances. In other words, do not take this seriously. I do not own anything Kingdom Hearts related or anything else from any company for that matter. So with that note, I leave you all to your sanity fleeing in terror and your brain melting out of your ears.

We look in upon a calming scene in Castle Oblivion (for once!). Upon looking in the kitchen, one would find the Melodious Nocturne, Demyx. And what would said Demyx be doing in the kitchen? Why sitting quite innocently at the kitchen island on a bar stool, coloring in a Finding Nemo coloring book with a large box of crayons beside him. There was peace, there was calm, there was silenc…

*THUMP*Demyx turns to Marluxia, who had graced the Nocturne's presence with a large burlap bag on the table.

"Hi Marluxia! What's in the sack?" Marluxia turns to Demyx with a desperate look in his eyes. It would have put Xigbar and Vexen in shame as well as backing up in fear.

"I'm saying this once, and only once! I am frustrated with my babies ageing so quickly and its all Luxord's fault! And how would it be Luxord's fault you ask? By hanging out with Xigbar! Luxord's powers have been affecting my babies, making them age at an obscene rate and since he rooms next to me, whenever he gets shit-faced, I'm left with a garden of rotting vegetation. And Xigbar is the one giving him the booze, I know he is! He is doing this all on purpose as a conspiracy to kill all my plants so he can rape me in my sleep when I have no plants as protection!" Marluxia's heavy breathing echoed softly in the kitchen. Only silence follows his "little" rant until Demyx ingeniously breaks it.

"So what's in the bag?"

"…the aged vegetables, Demyx."

"So…what are you going to do with them?"

"I DON'T KNOW! I don't know! Anyone, someone can take them and do with them as they please. I just don't care." The finality and fatigue resounded after that statement.

"Can I have it?"

"FINE! Sure! Take it! I'm going back to my garden and I'm going to salvage what I can before its too late. Good. Bye." And with that, Marluxia pulls off an exit that would even make Potions Master Severus Snape and Gotham's Batman go green in envy.

"Well, let's take a look-see's at what Marly gave me!"

*1 Hour Later*

"Well, I finally salvaged what was left of my plants, which was more than I thought it would be!" Marluxia's proud smile gave way to exhaustion. "I'm beat! I need foooood!" With that last syllable uttered, a scent so succulently decadent emerged into the garden like the rolling mist from the sea to the shore. All the flowers gave a sigh in appreciation, whilst Marluxia was the equivalence of a kitten shoved in a room brimming with catnip.

Where had such a heavenly scent come from! Marluxia had to know where the ambrosial scent came from. May there be mercy for those who stood in his way. Thus, Marluxia's hunt for the decadent aroma began!

He stalked, he prowled, he did those cool flippy moves and jumped off the walls of Castle Oblivion (why? Because he could! It's a crack fic for Diz's sake!). His little acrobatic feats lead him to the kitchen.

'The kitchen? Who the hell in the Organization can cook!' Marluxia's pondering led him to the entrance of the kitchen and an unimaginable sight.

Demyx was dancing around to salsa music. But that wasn't all, oh no! He was wearing a turquoise Little Mermaid chef apron with the words "Kiss the Girl" going across in orange, whilst stirring a pot with questionable objects inside.

*author's break*

Au: Wait. You can multi-task, Demyx?

Demyx: When I try

~silence~

Au: okay…..

*end author's break*

"Demyx! What are you doing?" Demyx turned to the outburst, spoon in mouth, probably from taste testing his edible concoction. He gives a giggle and extracts the spoon.

"Silly Marly! I'm cooking lunch, duh!" Marluxia's eye twitched. The very thought of Demyx cooking terrified the Organization, thus he was never allowed in the kitchen. Now that the actual scenario was before Marluxia, he had no clue as to what to do. One false move could lead to the whole kitchen and west wing of Castle Oblivion into total obliteration.

"Demyx, what…exactly are you making?"

"Well, I looked at the bag of veggies you said I could have. The ones that were too yucky or appeared rotten were thrown out and I saw that I didn't have enough for a meal with just the vegetables, so I decided to make a soup. But I still needed stuff like broth and seasoning. So I decided to portal out to this place called Wal-Mart, which they don't sell walls and so that's false advertisement and I…"

"Wait, you went out into public? By yourself!"

"Yes, now hush and stop interrupting. Now where was I? Right! So I went to Wal-Mart and got some broth and a few other things and I met this sweet little old Hispanic lady and we started talking. She gave me this recipe for this thing called Tortilla soup so I got the stuff to make it." Marluxia gave a drawn out, tired sigh.

"Demyx, you know there are two rules you're specifically supposed to follow: 1.) Don't leave Castle Oblivion unless your on a mission. As soon as your done, come straight back to Castle Oblivion. 2.) Don't accept anything from anyone, let alone talk with them. If Xemnas finds out about this he'll...MPH!" Demyx covered Marluxia's mouth with his hands.

"Please Marly! Don't tell Xemnas! I won't do it again, promise!" Demyx gave the saddest "kicked-puppy" look with a dash of "wet-kitten." (AU:DAMN!! Too cute!)

"Fine, But you are not allowed to do that again, am I clear?" Demyx gave Marluxia a smile sweeter than pure sugar. It's a miracle Marluxia didn't rot all his teeth out at once.

"Crystal! Now try some of the soup I made. It's positively delicious!" Marluxia tried edging away whilst trying to come up with an excuse to get out this predicament.

"Um Demyx, sweetheart, I would love to, but I've already eaten and it would be a waste and…"

"Nonsense! I made it mostly for you and I to share! Can't you at least try an teensy-weensy bit see how good it its?" The "kicked-puppy and wet-kitten" look returned with a vengeance cubed.

"But, Demyx, see, I have stuff to do, and I, I…alright." Marluxia let out a small sob of despair. Demyx pulls a chair out and Marluxia apprehensively takes a seat. Demyx rushes to the cabinets, after comfortingly seating Marluxia of course, and grabs a bowl. He rushed back to the stove and got a hearty bowl of soup for Marluxia. Demyx set the soup aside and puts on a pair of kitchen mittens to pull out a tray from the oven with what looked like a giant flat taco shell. He takes a rolling pin from the side and runs it quickly over the shell, breaking it into small pieces. He sprinkles some of the broken pieces over the soup and sets it up in front of Marluxia.

"I hope you have a big appetite!" Marluxia had taken permanent residence as the kitchen statue. Demyx set the bowl right below Marluxia's nose. The wafting smell travels up lazily until it reaches Marluxia's senses. It was an explosion of cosmic proportions assaulting Marluxia's senses! What being wouldn't consume such a feast as this laid before them? Marluxia took a spoonful of the hearty soup.

There was a pause. It was one of those moments where God deemed it worthy to give something of true value to humanity. It was a cool breeze on a warm sunny day. It was swallowing your fear and plunging into water, head first and feeling alive. It was riding as fast as possible and feeling an exhilarating feeling. Marluxia could only sit there for a few minutes, contemplating the taste of the soup with a spoon in his mouth and turns to Demyx.

"Demyx, this is the most amazing delicacy my taste buds have had the pleasure of sampling." Demyx stared back blankly.

"So is that a "yes, I like it?" Marluxia sighed.

"Yes Demyx, I like the soup." Demyx's apprehensive features morphed into one of absolute joy. Marluxia couldn't help smiling back. Something about Demyx always seemed to make him happy.

"Well, eat up! Tomorrow, I'm making chicken and beef lasagna with homemade garlic bread!"

Marluxia flinched. There was no way his diet and figure could survive Demy's cooking.

~Epilogue~

"Demyx, sweetheart, we need to talk." Demyx turned from the crock pot to where Marluxia was seated.

"Sure Mar-Mar. What's up?" Marluxia pulled Demyx to the kitchen table. How was he going to do this? He couldn't hurt Demyx's feelings, but it had to be said before it was too late.

"Demyx, don't cook anymore." Demyx blinked. Marluxia waited for the outbreak of tears and cries of "Why Marly?" They never came.

"Is my cooking getting boring? If it is, I can make a different menu of stuff to cook."

"NO! *Ahem* No, Demyx, your cooking isn't getting boring. It's just that…" At that time Marluxia began pinching his sides. Only those with a keen eye could see a bit of soft tissue squishing.

"Demyx, your food is amazing, be it the chicken and beef lasagna to that amazing cake that had the Spanish name and it was moist and not too sweet and the whipped cream and…"

"You mean Dulce de Leche?"

"Yeah! That was amazing!" Marluxia gave a shake when he realized what direction the conversation was going.

"Anyway, no, its not the quality of the food, rather, my diet is failing me and I've gained a metric asston of weight." Marluxia's head dropped down dejectedly.

"Metric…asston? Marluxia, I'm sorry to say this, but your still uber skinny. Maybe not Vexen skinny, I don't think that's possible for anyone but him, but your still very slim," Demyx replied. Demyx bit his thumb in thought. He suddenly snapped his fingers, surprising Marluxia.

"Marluxia, I have an idea! What if I made a low calorie and other diet food menu just for you? And it still tasted the same as regular food." Marluxia couldn't believe it. Could he really consume Demyx's culinary delights without becoming a beached whale? Marluxia tackled Demyx to the floor of the kitchen, toppling the kitchen chairs over.

"Oh Demy! My sweet, precious, amazing Demyx! Would you really do that for me?"

"Of course! You're my best friend Marly, and I'd do anything to make you happy!" Marluxia felt a clenching in his gut. No one in the Organization was willing to do anything for him to make him happy. Demyx pulled himself out of Marluxia's grip.

"Well, now that the matter is settled, I'm gonna change the menu a bit and make some Jasmine Rice instead of French fries to go with the beef stew. Dinner will be ready in a few!"

A strong rumble followed that statement.

~End~

Thank you all for reading my second fanfic I have posted since like forever. I want to thank all of those who have commented on Of Fires and Flowers (If you haven't read it, do it now!) and I hope to hear your comments on this one too. I am in the process of writing a longer and more serious all over Kingdom Hearts 2 story, but I have finals coming up and we are dealing with stuff with our cosplay group too, so it will take a while. As for the reviews, I try to respond to all who leave good comments, so I'm sorry if I don't get to you soon. I hope all of you guys out there have a happy holiday break!


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